Getting Hands-On At Work

29 Oct

I used to work for someone who told me the secret to success was to roll up your sleeves and be “hands-on” at work.  As with all lessons in life, I learned the hard way that he did not mean that literally.

Before you get all judge-y, let me explain! The woman’s restroom at my office was designed to create “incidents” in the workplace.  The outside door opens into a narrow hallway with nothing but a mirror to the right.  A short distance away is the inner door which opens to the stalls.

Hands On_intro

I admit that I sometimes {cough} spend the 3 strides it takes me to get from the outer door to the inner door staring at myself in the mirror to my right.

{Open outer door, walk toward inner door}

First step:  Check to see if anyone is in hallway.

Second step:  Look at self in mirror; mentally criticizing outfit, hair and makeup choices.

Third step: While still looking at self in mirror, extend arms in preparation to swing open inner door.

Because I was so caught up with my critical self-evaluation in the mirror, I wasn’t really paying attention to whether or not someone was on the other side of the door.  Who cares about such trivial things at a time like this? {whimpering about frizzy hair}.

My hands missed the inner door completely and I fell forward landing firmly on my coworker’s BREASTS.

Hands On_handsy

There was that awful half-second pause before any reaction had set in where we locked eyes and looked down at what was happening.

My coworker let out a surprised squeal and threw her arms up.  I, on the other hand, let out a blood curdling scream and ran spastically backwards until I slammed against the outer door.

Hands on_Notamused

The closer she approached, the more desperate I became in my attempts to avoid her.  I think at one point I may have slapped her hands away as she attempted to comfort me?

I felt trapped in a glass case of emotion; instead I was trapped in this nightmare of a hallway as I stood blocking the exit while she stood equally blocking entry to the stalls.

{As a result of my scare, I now had a desperate need to tinkle – there was no going back out the exit!  Perfectly rational thought whilst in crisis.}

After some awkward shuffling made even more awkward by our attempts not to touch in any way, this mortifying moment ended when she feigned left enabling her to pivot around me toward the door… and freedom.

We never spoke of it again.

We’ve also never made eye contact again.

3 Responses to “Getting Hands-On At Work”

  1. hacken2013 October 29, 2013 at 12:28 pm #

    HAHAAH! DOH!

    • awkwardcharm October 29, 2013 at 12:30 pm #

      I think my coworker would’ve chosen something more colorful, but yes… it was a major “DOH!” moment followed by an intense desire to quit on the spot. :)

  2. Ursula October 31, 2013 at 2:53 pm #

    Hahahahahaha!!!!

    Glass case of emotion hahaha!

    So were they real?????

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